I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
