Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
