mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize