I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
