new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
