True but thats because hes a fetus.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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