dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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