he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize