Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
