I am puke
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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