her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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