First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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