she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
