You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
