Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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