do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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