she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
