I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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