Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
