i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
