I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
