i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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