I want to have your abortion
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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