I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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