she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
