We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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