There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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