Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
