when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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