He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
