Will you blow on my dice?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
