I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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