I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
