im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
