I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
