Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The feeling are messing with the penis
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
