honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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