Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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