Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
