I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
