I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
