Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
