Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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