I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
