Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
