the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
