I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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