What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
