Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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