Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
