I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I showed him my bush... on skype.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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