I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
