she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
