I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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