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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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