I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
