Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
