remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
