Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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