I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
