just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
