I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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