do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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